Garxemsig is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, annoying manatee.

Garxemsig created dark energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Garxemsig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Garxemsig, he will turn you into a frog.

Garxemsig's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Garxemsig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Always treat horses with great respect.

4. Never talk about seals.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.