Gutnelvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, pitiless armadillo.

Gutnelvonk created life four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutnelvonk, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Gutnelvonk, he will be very unhappy.

Gutnelvonk's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Gutnelvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never bounce near porpoises.

5. Hide if eight doves approach from the north.