Metlarncit is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, grumpy goose.

Metlarncit created light two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metlarncit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Metlarncit, he will turn you into a frog.

Metlarncit's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Metlarncit's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Feed all hungry aardvarks.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.