Govcedvig Tabgofcam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, witless bird.

Govcedvig Tabgofcam created dark energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Govcedvig Tabgofcam, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Govcedvig Tabgofcam, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Govcedvig Tabgofcam's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Govcedvig Tabgofcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Never run in holy places.

5. Run away if four moths approach from the north.