Ranzimbus is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unsympathetic ferret.

Ranzimbus created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ranzimbus, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ranzimbus, she will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Ranzimbus' most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Ranzimbus' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about otters.

2. Never feed beans to whales while wearing blue scarves.

3. Ranzimbus must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat nuts.