Vilfenbad is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, stupid toad.

Vilfenbad created water five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vilfenbad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vilfenbad, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vilfenbad's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Vilfenbad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Vilfenbad.

2. Never think about comets.

3. Run away from magenta tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

5. Feed all hungry ducks.