Gessyokbin is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, slow shark.

Gessyokbin created humankind eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gessyokbin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gessyokbin, he will destroy your home solar system.

Gessyokbin's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Gessyokbin's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured swans.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.