Yarpwatgetcud is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, calm clam.

Yarpwatgetcud created humanity nine million years ago.

If you believe in Yarpwatgetcud, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Yarpwatgetcud, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Yarpwatgetcud's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Yarpwatgetcud's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always look after injured otters.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Feed all hungry whales.

5. Never talk about doves.