Kimquimkam is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, stupid wombat.

Kimquimkam created tapeworms five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimquimkam, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kimquimkam, she will turn you into a dog.

Kimquimkam's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Kimquimkam's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not take Kimquimkam's name in vain.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.