Bamfatcisstag is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, clever bee.

Bamfatcisstag created light seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamfatcisstag, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bamfatcisstag, it will send you a strongly worded letter.

Bamfatcisstag's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Bamfatcisstag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not eat limes.

3. Bamfatcisstag loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

4. Always look after injured otters.

5. Never mention pigs.