Kapvintetti is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, self-confident salamander.

Kapvintetti created the planet Mars seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kapvintetti, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kapvintetti, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kapvintetti's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Kapvintetti's Holy Commandments

1. Kapvintetti loves otters, so they must be respected.

2. Do not hurt monkeys.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always treat snails with great respect.