Hakflamnul is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, compassionate clam.

Hakflamnul created energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Hakflamnul, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hakflamnul, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Hakflamnul's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Hakflamnul's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear black clothing.

2. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.