Futkopvil Cemdotwab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, competent dove.

Futkopvil Cemdotwab created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Futkopvil Cemdotwab, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Futkopvil Cemdotwab, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Futkopvil Cemdotwab's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Futkopvil Cemdotwab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Worship no other gods but Futkopvil Cemdotwab.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a room before entering it.