Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, kind squid.

Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub created the Small Magellanic Cloud two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub, it will boil you in a big pot.

Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit in holy places.

2. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

3. Quatnurtrak Canmifhanfub loves foxes, so they must be respected.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Never run near grasshopers.