Somced is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, unjust jaguar.

Somced created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somced, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Somced, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Somced's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Somced's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think ill of sick tapirs.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.