Tarphatvil is a god.

It takes the form of a large, happy squid.

Tarphatvil created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tarphatvil, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tarphatvil, it will turn you into a rock.

Tarphatvil's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Tarphatvil's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not sit in public.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a building before entering it.

5. Always obey Tarphatvil's priests.