Lipfenhiv is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, dishonest skunk.

Lipfenhiv created life eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lipfenhiv, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lipfenhiv, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Lipfenhiv's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lipfenhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven goats approach from the south.

2. Never go into purple rooms.

3. You must love Lipfenhiv.

4. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Lipfenhiv on top of all buildings.

5. Do not hurt hamsters.