Hanfatfon is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, egotistical crab.

Hanfatfon created viruses five million years ago.

If you believe in Hanfatfon, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hanfatfon, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Hanfatfon's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Hanfatfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.