Gatmanbif is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, ill-tempered weasel.

Gatmanbif created the Cigar Galaxy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gatmanbif, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gatmanbif, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Gatmanbif's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Gatmanbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Gatmanbif's name in vain.

2. Always look after injured capybaras.

3. You must pray to Gatmanbif five times a day.

4. Moths are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Pray towards the north.