Queegquillcam is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, egotistical narwhal.

Queegquillcam created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegquillcam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Queegquillcam, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Queegquillcam's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Queegquillcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. Never feed strawberries to turtles while wearing yellow kilts.

3. Retreat if three hamsters approach from the west.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Queegquillcam.