Ladyokmap is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, stupid snail.

Ladyokmap created a bottom quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladyokmap, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Ladyokmap, she will come to you in dreams.

Ladyokmap's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Ladyokmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

3. Worship no other gods but Ladyokmap.

4. Always look after injured tortoises.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ladyokmap.