Jiptuncum is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unfair badger.

Jiptuncum created the cosmos three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jiptuncum, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jiptuncum, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Jiptuncum's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Jiptuncum's Holy Commandments

1. Jiptuncum loves tortoises, so they must be respected.

2. Do not speak about cucumbers.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jiptuncum.

4. Feed all hungry snakes.

5. Never eat bark.