Vonvonkbest is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, passionate manatee.

Vonvonkbest created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonvonkbest, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonvonkbest, it will torture you forever.

Vonvonkbest's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Vonvonkbest's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Do not wear blue clothing.

3. Always help sick shrews.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Respect your elders.