Flagtifpad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, unthinking dove.

Flagtifpad created the planet Jupiter two years ago.

If you believe in Flagtifpad, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Flagtifpad, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Flagtifpad's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Flagtifpad's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about comets.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.