Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, happy yak.

Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag created Africa five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag, he will try to impress you with trees.

Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Fumtittifhomkardumcibvag's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Do not hurt tortoises.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.