Homdamtengar Tikyimfum is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, vain whale.

Homdamtengar Tikyimfum created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Homdamtengar Tikyimfum, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Homdamtengar Tikyimfum, he will torture you forever.

Homdamtengar Tikyimfum's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Homdamtengar Tikyimfum's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear stockings.

2. Hide from blue mice for they are unholy.

3. Do not hurt cats.

4. Never sing near ants.

5. Never pour water over plants.