Farfosstun Gunpaddid is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, merciless frog.

Farfosstun Gunpaddid created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farfosstun Gunpaddid, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Farfosstun Gunpaddid, it will turn you into a worm.

Farfosstun Gunpaddid's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Farfosstun Gunpaddid's Holy Commandments

1. Manatees are not to be trusted.

2. Geese are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always help sick seals.

5. Never feed apples to pigs while wearing yellow hats.