Bapcarhim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, charitable lobster.

Bapcarhim created tapeworms five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bapcarhim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Bapcarhim, he will turn you into a mole.

Bapcarhim's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Bapcarhim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never eat garlic.

3. Never talk about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Always help sick bats.

5. Always help ducks in need.