Veentapkik is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, benevolent narwhal.

Veentapkik created dark matter eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Veentapkik, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Veentapkik, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Veentapkik's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Veentapkik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never mention squirrels.

3. Do not dye your hair magenta.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.