Fotmetbam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, ruthless spider.

Fotmetbam created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Fotmetbam, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Fotmetbam, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fotmetbam's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Fotmetbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at galaxies.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Fotmetbam on top of all buildings.

3. Never mention cats.

4. Never wear skirts.

5. Pray towards the south.