Nartjigtetti is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, kind grasshopper.

Nartjigtetti created a top quark four years ago.

If you believe in Nartjigtetti, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nartjigtetti, he will think nothing of it.

Nartjigtetti's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Nartjigtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Always help tortoises in need.

2. Never talk about swans.

3. Do not speak about melons.

4. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

5. Do not hurt badgers.