Gofvonk is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, astonishing troll.

Gofvonk created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofvonk, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gofvonk, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Gofvonk's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Gofvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear gray.

2. Do not kill horses.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.