Kadpaklun is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, stupid dugong.

Kadpaklun created the Small Magellanic Cloud three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadpaklun, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kadpaklun, she will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Kadpaklun's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Kadpaklun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Kadpaklun loves foxes, so they must be honoured.

3. Never hurt manatees.

4. Always help birds in need.

5. Do not shave your legs.