Quatjinban is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, thoughtless bird.

Quatjinban created gold nine million years ago.

If you believe in Quatjinban, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quatjinban, he will turn you into a mole.

Quatjinban's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Quatjinban's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry tortoises.

2. Do not kill frogs.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not take Quatjinban's name in vain.

5. Respect your elders.