Kaphoncud is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, witless donkey.

Kaphoncud created Mount Everest six billion years ago.

If you believe in Kaphoncud, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kaphoncud, it will manifest in front of you.

Kaphoncud's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Kaphoncud's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never talk about gulls.