Jarnvonkduss is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, witty wombat.

Jarnvonkduss created everything that exists nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnvonkduss, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jarnvonkduss, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Jarnvonkduss' most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Jarnvonkduss' Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never paint your hands cyan.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never mention ducks.