Vonkgomfem is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, egotistical wolf.

Vonkgomfem created time and space two million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkgomfem, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Vonkgomfem, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Vonkgomfem's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Vonkgomfem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never eat rice.