Bonkcarwaddub is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, impressive wombat.

Bonkcarwaddub created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bonkcarwaddub, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkcarwaddub, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Bonkcarwaddub's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Bonkcarwaddub's Holy Commandments

1. Always help squirrels.

2. Hide if nine great tits approach from the south.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never sit in the presence of manatees.

5. Do not kill hamsters.