Kaparmpanpop is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, effective shrew.

Kaparmpanpop created an up quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kaparmpanpop, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kaparmpanpop, it will turn you into a snail.

Kaparmpanpop's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Kaparmpanpop's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never write about cell theory.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never feed lentils to grasshopers while wearing yellow boots.