Futcabbogdavxemmif is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, awe-inspiring squid.

Futcabbogdavxemmif created water eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futcabbogdavxemmif, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Futcabbogdavxemmif, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Futcabbogdavxemmif's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Futcabbogdavxemmif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Never feed lentils to snails while wearing brown kilts.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.