Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, narcissistic skunk.

Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin, it will manifest in front of you.

Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Gilpogflis Jatvinwapkin's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not wear platinum on your body.

5. Retreat if seven hamsters approach from the west.