Tarpquillbim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, astonishing snail.

Tarpquillbim created the Sol system four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarpquillbim, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpquillbim, it will torture you forever.

Tarpquillbim's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Tarpquillbim's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

3. Do not take Tarpquillbim's name in vain.

4. Do not eat aubergines.

5. Never feed cherries to manatees while wearing purple dresses.