Vonfigtambig is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, effective swallow.

Vonfigtambig created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonfigtambig, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vonfigtambig, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Vonfigtambig's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Vonfigtambig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Do not kill bats.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.