Tigbessbonkingsaftetti is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, uncaring horse.

Tigbessbonkingsaftetti created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigbessbonkingsaftetti, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tigbessbonkingsaftetti, he will come to you in dreams.

Tigbessbonkingsaftetti's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tigbessbonkingsaftetti's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never look at galaxies.

4. Worship no other gods but Tigbessbonkingsaftetti.

5. Tigbessbonkingsaftetti loves mites, so they must be respected.