Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, compassionate dove.

Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap created a charm quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Always wear purple.

3. Always look after injured squirrels.

4. Zedortbimstigjapgontarkap loves doves, so they must be honoured.

5. Never talk about cell theory.