Dinquamsag Sasgovgep is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, moody dryad.

Dinquamsag Sasgovgep created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Dinquamsag Sasgovgep, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Dinquamsag Sasgovgep, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Dinquamsag Sasgovgep's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Dinquamsag Sasgovgep's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Never wear tights.

4. Always treat snails with great respect.

5. Worship no other gods but Dinquamsag Sasgovgep.