Bunzenflap is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, temperamental crocodile.

Bunzenflap created a top quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bunzenflap, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bunzenflap, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bunzenflap's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Bunzenflap's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect eight iron sculptures of Bunzenflap on top of important buildings.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Do not covet oxen.