Shavcabbit is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, fast turtle.

Shavcabbit created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Shavcabbit, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Shavcabbit, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Shavcabbit's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Shavcabbit's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about badgers.

3. Do not eat bananas.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Run away if nine tortoises approach from the east.