Ladwotbon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, conceited gorilla.

Ladwotbon created oxygen five million years ago.

If you believe in Ladwotbon, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ladwotbon, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Ladwotbon's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ladwotbon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never mention doves.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never look at asteroids.