Flangatraw is a god.

It takes the form of a small, unselfish monkey.

Flangatraw created dark energy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flangatraw, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flangatraw, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Flangatraw's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Flangatraw's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Retreat if nine seals approach from the west.

4. You must love Flangatraw.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.